please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
