ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
