so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
