I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
