yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
