her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
