Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
