I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
