No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
