He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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