I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
