Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
