my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
