dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
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I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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