I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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