pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
