Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
