Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
