if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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