that's an acceptable place to lick
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
