shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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