you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
