I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
