Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
