Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
