Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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