i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
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He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?