He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
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Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
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We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My dad just said "fuck circus"