Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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