I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
