They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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