How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
