I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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