So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
