1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
