U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
