A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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