why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
