My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
