i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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