i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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