It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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