Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
