If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
