I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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