i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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