to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
