about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
