and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
