pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
