maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
