you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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