Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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