You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
