You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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