is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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