I look better un-naked...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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