Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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