He is such a slut. More and more my type.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
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