I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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