for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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