I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
then he tried to convert me to islam
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
