look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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