??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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