How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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