I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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