Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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