Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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