I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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