The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
