my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
