I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
