I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
